Thursday, July 30, 2009

They’re assholes but they’re not stupid

Every time I call someone who has a cell phone, and they don’t answer, I hear their message followed by a message from the phone company. This second message is along the lines of:

”[Phone number] is not available right now. Please leave a detailed message after the tone. When you have finished recording, you may hang up, or press pound for more options.”

This message makes a lot of money for the cell provides. From David Pogue: “If Verizon’s 70 million customers leave or check messages twice a weekday, Verizon rakes in about $620 million a year.”

Do You Like Hummus?

“...if you find a white person who does not like hummus then they probably just haven’t tasted it or they are the wrong kind of white person .”

Raising Awareness Is Just So Important

“An interesting fact about white people is that they firmly believe that all of the world’s problems can be solved through ‘awareness.’ ... you get all the benefits of helping (self satisfaction, telling other people) but no need for difficult decisions or the ensuing criticism…”

This site was so funny—I just wasted an hour that I didn’t have.

Cats Don’t Apply

If you’re not busy, you should kill ten minutes reading about one of the most successful lawyers of all time, Richard “Racehorse” Haynes:

“If you can prove [that] the victim abused a dog or a horse, you can convince the jury that the guy deserved to be killed… for some reason, cats don’t apply.”

The entire article is both fascinating and hilarious.